Some days the
difficult multiplies exponentially no matter what we do. The last few weeks have
been full of those days for us. Sickness, grieving hearts, conflict management
among those we love here—all the stuff of life that can accumulate tired and
empty before we recognize the toll.
The most
difficult things can happen when we already feel weak and tired.
A week ago, on
Saturday night my husband and our two youngest sons were attacked on the road
near our church by a horde of drunk, angry youth moving through town after a
high school party. Our sons were not harmed physically. Jeff, who took the
physical blows, is sore. The hateful words shouted at my family because of skin
pigment will be with them long.
There really is
no magic bubble that we step into when we follow after God. Sometimes all we
have left at the end of a very long week is debris and dust.
Then this:
“Rejoice
and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be
constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12 AMP
And
“Find
rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and
my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6
Rejoice.
Exult. Steadfast. Patient. Constant.
I
will not be shaken.
In
God alone.
Hope.
We have had the
opportunity to exercise our cultural diversity muscles for two decades, but the
strength training remains a discipline that strains. Jeff spent his whole day
Monday at several secondary schools engaging with the boys involved in the attack.
Despite his physical pain (he is currently nursing a mild concussion—which we
were slow to realize, unfortunately) and his emotional struggle (racism hurts!)
Jeff stayed in the conversation. Redirected it. Spoke grace into hate. He chose
a forgiving tone and continues to choose the forgiving process.
All that
self-control hurts.
The feelings
inside, in the midst of that choosing, do not in any way resemble a tidied up
conclusion with a big red bow on top.
There is pain
and struggle involved in forgiving pain and struggle.
This is an
exercise. A tiring one. A WORTHY one.
Jeff had weapons
in our car. This was not his first encounter with an angry mob. Jeff can throw
a solid punch but he chose to refrain. He saw the attackers for who they were.
Kids. Misguided ones. And he did not return harm for harm.
That choice was
painful and difficult. In the chaos of all that anger, his included, it was a
struggle to see the best, clear way through. Especially with the protection of
our sons firing Jeff’s deepest care and motivation.
We are grateful
for God’s Spirit that was clearly active in this painful circumstance and I am
personally very proud of the way each of my men handled themselves under such
duress.
But, our family
is moving through the analysis with such caution both in how we process
inwardly and how we share about the incident.
In healing from
any difficult circumstance, one of the most courageous endeavors can be to remain in
the raw reality long enough for Truth to do it’s thorough and complete work.
Sometimes, with
the best of intentions, a moment of wise choosing can be set high up on a
pedestal as heroic. And even though we mean it as a compliment and confidence
booster that aesthetic reverence can deceive us. It can take an exemplary
response (and the painful circumstances involved) and set it beyond us somehow.
In the lifting up we may actually be pushing away. Instead, it is far more
advancing to keep difficult choices illuminated in all the reality of their
struggle. To keep the battle authentically human and complex. With us. Available
in our own realities. Right where God is too.
This whole thing strides easier when we know we are not alone.
Will you join us
on this journey? This quest to keep our eyes on Him? Can we, together, stay in
difficult conversations seeking to understand and to hear more? Can we love into
differences even when all we hear and see around us is screaming hate? Will we exercise
these very difficult things: restraint, grace, love, turning that other cheek
(ouch!)?
Also.
Will we exercise
the courage to heal? The courage to
speak honestly of our pain, to be still enough to recover when we’ve been hurt,
to step out of the punch that’s coming and make brave decisions that protect
those we love, including ourselves?
Restraining from
contributing more harm into an angry circumstance does not mean pretending the
circumstance does not exist. Forgiveness is the road to freedom for all of us
and the only mode of travel is honesty. That includes honest anger, honest
sorrow, honest grief and an honest accounting of what has happened. Healing
requires Truth. Acknowledging and listening. Hearing and speaking. Prayer. (“…Be
constant in prayer…”)
The offering of
grace can take on many shapes and forms. Grace is necessary in our words to
others and in our words to ourselves. All grace does inherently reek of hope.
And we need that optimistic stench to permeate our world today.
Our hope--for
our family, for Fort Portal and for all the people we’ve been given to love in
this world—our hope is in God alone.
His promises are
true.
“…be
content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you,
never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
When we are
mocked or ridiculed. When we appear different than everyone else. When we feel
incredibly outnumbered. When we wait on healing to take the pain away. When we
feel so very misunderstood and misrepresented. When we struggle to do the next
right thing.
We are not
alone.
“…And
surely I am with you always to the very end of the age.”
Matt
28:20
God is With. So we can be too.
He is good.
“Hope
in the Lord; for with the Lord there is mercy, and with Him is abundant redemption.”
Psalm 130:7 NKJV
