Waiting

edited from the archives because I'm still waiting:)

Waiting is a learned discipline.

And it rarely looks pretty on my countenance. 

I want to be calm and peaceful and quietly restful in all my waiting seasons.

But.

Instead.

I can be profuse in my grimaces, in my worry and in my sweaty, red-faced clamor.

(Is N.O.W. really too much to ask?!)

This clash of my longing and God’s timing keeps us (me and God) wrestling through details.

I acknowledge that Mastery of the Patience Thing would effectively end the wrangle. 

And I recognize that the wrangle has value (dang it).

All the wrestling locks me in His grasp.

It keeps me in the game.

My Provider and I stay connected in a way that strengthens and trains.

It builds muscle.

And necessary skill.

It shapes a warrior.

“And Jacob was left alone, and a Man wrestled with him until daybreak.

And when the Man saw that He did not prevail against Jacob, He touched the hollow of his thigh; and Jacob’s thigh was put out of joint as he wrestled with Him.

Then He said, 'Let Me go, for day is breaking.'

 But Jacob said, 'I will not let You go unless You declare a blessing upon me.'

The Man asked him, 'What is your name?'

 And [in shock of realization, whispering] he said, 'Jacob [supplanter, schemer, trickster, swindler]!'

And He said, Your name shall be called no more Jacob [supplanter],

but Israel [contender with God];

for you have contended and have power with God and with men and have prevailed.

Then Jacob asked Him, 'Tell me, I pray You, what [in contrast] is Your name?'

But He said, 'Why is it that you ask My name?'

And the Angel of God declared a blessing on Jacob there.

And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel [the face of God], saying, 'For I have seen God face to face, and my life is spared and not snatched away.'

And as he passed Penuel [Peniel] the sun rose upon him & he was limping because of his thigh.”

Genesis 32:24-31

Amplified Bible Classic Edition

Sometimes our waiting can be for a long time.

Like Tamar. (Genesis 38:11-14)

Like Sarah. (Genesis21:1-7)

Like the Israelite slaves in Egypt. (Genesis 15:13-14; Exodus 3:7-10;21-22)

This is never popular. Or fun.

Instead.

The awkwardness of long-waiting shoves insistently among us demanding our attention and our time.

Such a nuisance. An inconvenience.

A problem.

The sign of sure defeat.

Victorious completion is the celebratory standard we see in others and most readily proclaim for ourselves.

Those are the pictures we love to take.

But it is never the whole story.

So today.

From among all the postponed and deferred.

I wait with you.

Determinedly wrestling it all through.

Food. Sickness. Homeschool. Letting go. Heat. Mercy.

Exhaustion. Budgets. Joy. Connection. Betrayal. Loss.

(Your list is welcome too…)

We gather in all the waiting, in the inconclusive and in the seemingly endless and we whisper this:

‘Remember’

Remember the provisions of God.

Retell His benefits.

Speak what He has done.

And even if you can’t just yet.

Even if it is all darkness and gloom in your awareness.

You are welcome too.

We can whisper around you.

We can hold space until you may be ready.

We can wait with you.

You’ll find your voice eventually.

Lean in.

I'll start.

 Chocolate chip cookies. Good ones. Free of all the allergens that cripple me.

So delicious.

Long lingering talks with my girl. In our kitchen. Hearing her heart.

Arranging pictures. Our families gathered to greet us every time we walk in the door. Such joy.

Every memory that reminds us, we are not alone.

There is more. SO much more.

I have a friend whose cancer was arrested and hasn’t spread in many years.

I have a friend who longed for children for a long time and now decades later raises her very own in a home overflowing with youth she also cares for.
I have a working refrigerator and it is full of healthy food. 

My husband was saved from a plane crash. Twice.

There are four children who call me Mom and thrive in my home.

My cold is almost gone.

(Your list is welcome too…)

His mercies New.

Every morning.

Slowly, together, we nourish and feed.

We sustain and renew.

We hope.

In fellowship with our Father and all His children that went before us, we come to know each other’s names.

Like Jacob.

 No longer mere replacements.

No longer standing in a place meant for someone else.

But contenders.

Those who will struggle to a victorious end.

(even if it doesn't look like we expect it to)

We remain.

Face to His adoring face.

Locked in His grip.

Holding out for a bestowing.

 Limping and blessed.

“I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

 Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”

Psalm 27:13-14