I've forgotten the rules.
And I need rules. Guidelines. Directions.
I want to know where I am going before I disembark. I want to clearly understand all expectations for my behaviour. I want to know what the right way is. And I don't want to hurt anyone in the process.
(Please, graciously allow me to forgo a discussion/confession of my obvious "people pleasing" issues...:-) ...and say...
I really have forgotten the rules. All cultures, families, communities, churches...have rules. And while there are a few guidelines that carry over from family to family....community to community...
MANY rules are unwritten...unspoken...just KNOWN and uniquely different from any other set of rules. Which is the rub.
Landing in my American Homeland immediately enforces a new set of rules. Interacting daily with family, American community and church involves understanding, accepting and acting in accordance with The Rules. Most of The Rules aren't even acknowledged by the community..until...they are broken. Then people get upset.
And that is hard. But it is a part of this vagabond life. And truly, learning and understanding The Rules of different places...enriches and blesses my life.
Its just the initial moments that are hard for me.
Which is why I love Safeway.
We went to the coast with Jeff's family this week. And Jeff and I were in charge of lunches.
So we went to Safeway.
I was proud of us because we made it in and out of Safeway in less than 45 minutes. We bought what was on our list and didn't stray much...though the amazing array of junk food available does tempt us to indulge!!! (Little Debbie's---Yummy!)
I feel lost in American groceries. So many choices. So many options. I have no clue what to pick. So I flounder through. Manage. Gather. Discard. And finally...the golden moment...
My Safeway Club Card. I swipe it through the machine trepidly (am I doing this right?) and the sweet lady at the register says..."How are you Mrs. Cash?" (she knows my name!)
"Did you find everything okay?" Um. yes.
"Thank you for shopping with us Mrs. Cash."
That kind woman thought I was a member. A Safeway shopper.
She didn't know that I didn't know the rules. She didn't know I live on another continent. She wasn't aware of the mind boggling flustered thoughts tumbling in my brain...
With one swipe of a red Safeway card....I belonged. I was well within the Safeway rules. I did it right.
It was moment for me. And at this point...I'll take those moments where they come!
So, for now, I'll keep floundering through...rediscovering rules and expectations. Learning and growing....
But, when it gets to be too much...you can find me at Safeway. I'll be eating Little Debbie's Banana Twins and swiping my card!