Saturday, February 04, 2006

Broken Heart

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17

When we were preparing to leave for Uganda, many precious souls passed on interesting, humorous (and on rare occassions--helpful:-) tidbits of advice to insure survival in a third world country.

Of all the wonderful bits I gleaned, one morsel has proven to be the jewel.

The sage comment came from someone I barely knew. She was the preachers wife at Jeff's home church. At one point she pulled me aside and said, "Sometimes, the only thing there is to do is lay down across your bed and cry. So when you need to, I give you permission. Just cry it out!"

The wise voice of a veteran. In these East Africa years, everytime I have opened the floodgates to release the pent up mess inside me...I have thought of her generous gift to me. Understanding and validity.

Tonight, I am exhausted. Completely depleted, can hardly lift my arms, brain dead---exhausted.

My heart is broken. And I have laid across my bed and cried.


Why do we do it?

The specific details are really not that important in the end. The basic framework is usually the same. Someone seperates himself from God. Doesn't trust. Starts with a little bit... Rationalizes. Becomes entangled....begins to die...

This week the smell of death overpowered us in the Fort Portal church. But after three days of confession, repentance, accountability and God's Grace (deep sigh)...I perceive Revival has begun.

One man. Poor choices. Anger. Accusation. Confession. Guilt. Promises. Betrayal. Tears.

And many broken hearts. Not the least of His.

But in that Mysterious and Mind Boggling Way...He actually has us now...right where He can meet us.

Broken. Hurting. On our knees. Needing...

The Healer. Saviour. Compassionate One.

In our moments of shattering confession...we are real. Pretension erased. Hearts laid bare. And He begins to Heal. Painfully. Gently. Faithfully. Healing...Hearing...Watching.

It's not what this third world has come to expect. Shame. Accusation. Blame and Abandonment. That's what accompanies the darkness.

How unbelievably brilliant is His Revealing Light. Waiting, hopeful, flood the gloom of a dying heart. And Revive.

Please pray today for the heart of my dear brother here. Pray that he will be strong to stand, in a different way than anyone around him. Revealed. Imperfect. Forgiven. Fought for. Redeemed.

"Create in me a clean heart O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:10-12


KMiV said...

Very touching and good Cheryl,

Jim Coffey said...

Wow. Excellent post.
1st - prayers for you and yours. Been there, ain't fun. No tears in heaven ... but plenty down here on earth.

2nd - your note comes at exactly the right time for me. It's a perfect example of a well written blog post about a sensitive subject.

The 20somethings at my local church have gotten in the habit of posting too much information on their blogs - information about other people that can hurt. With your permission I'd like to point them to this post as a good example of how to publically share something sensitive without doing further damage in the sharing. Let me know if it's ok to share your blog with them.

Glenn said...

Cheryl, ever since Jeff shared the special need of the Ft. Portal church a few days ago, Phyllis and I have been grieving. We have been fervently praying that God will use this to strengthen you & Jeff, the one who broke trust with God, and the entire church in Ft. Portal and the area. Peter did worse and 50 days later he was led by God to introduce the church to the world. God forgives faster than most people. Is it O. K. to weap when your heart is breaking? Jesus did, and that is pretty good company. God gave us tears to clean our eyes of dirt and stuff, and the same for our hearts and souls. Yes, even your father-in-law feels the need to cleanse his heart and soul from time to time, but being a "strong" man he can usually hide it from everybody except his wife and God.

Cathy S. said...

Cheryl, I know that while your hearts may be sorrowful, you can remember that God is always faithful and will NEVER abandon you. Sometimes amidst the grief, all we can do is cry out to the greatest one who understands and will cry with us. Always remember that our prayers are with you and your family while you continue to do His will. We love you.

kristi w said...

We grieve with you, Cheryl, even without knowing the details. We love you and that church family very much and will be praying for healing.

Steve Maxwell said...

Thank God that the darkness was broken. I will pray as grace and mercy pull out the smoke and leave full access to the Light. God bless you guys.